I Don't Wanna Know
by hexacamas7 and augestine
Summary: SoraxKairi "I felt like punching a wall. I felt like taking a knife out and cutting the pain out of my own chest. I felt like kissing him…"
1. Prologue

_Hey guys! This is an original fanfic by myself, hexacamas7, and I hope you all enjoy it! This is based off a true story, and writing it will be both painful and enjoyable for me so please review if you can!_

W-what's happening…?

Where are you…?

Why aren't you here…?

Why…am I…alone?

I put a hand to my chest and swallowed hard as the tears started coming but didn't quite fall. I looked up at the sink and contemplated on whether or not I would throw up, but decided I could hold all that in right now. I just had to breathe.

In…

Out…

In…

Out…

And with each breathe came a gasp of pain that I muffled quietly with my shirt.

My heart was aching…

I felt like punching a wall.

I felt like taking a knife out and cutting the pain out of my own chest.

I felt like kissing him…

Thoughts were racing through my head as I leaned down and finally gave into the tears, as quiet sobs racked my body.

Why aren't your arms around me?

Why isn't it your hand that strokes my back and whispers that it'll be alright?

Why did this happen…Sora…?


	2. Here We Go Again

Disclaimer: Here We Go Again by Demi Lavato

Kairi P.O.V

_I throw all of your stuff away_

_Then I clear you out of my head_

_I tear you out of my heart_

_And ignore all your messages_

_I tell everyone that we are through_

_Cause I'm so much better without you_

_But it's just another pretty lie_

_Cause I break down_

_Every time you come around(Uh Oh Uh Oh)_

I sat down on my bed and stared at my phone, my heart kept jumping every time I thought it would ring.

When would he call me?

I sighed and laid back on my pillows wondering what I had gotten myself into. Why in the world was I talking to him again? We had just broken up but there was just this feeling and I couldn't shake it.

I loved him.

I felt my phone start vibrating and I rolled over, picking up my phone and staring at the number of my best friend. "Hello?" I questioned, sitting back up.

"Kairi, are we going to the movies or what?" Roxas questioned frustrated. I shook my head and wondered if I even wanted to go. I mean, it looked like a good movie but if he wasn't there what it even be worth going?

"What time?" I asked him back, biting a nail and shaking my fiery hair out of my face. I always bit my nails when I was nervous or frustrated and I was a little of both right now.

He wanted me to be his girlfriend again, I knew that but some part of me actually agreed with Roxas. He wasn't the best person in the world and he certainly wasn't good for me but I loved him too much to let him go. We had broken up over a month ago, it was one of the hardest nights of my life. I hadn't even been able to break up with him myself, I had Roxas do it for me while I had cried into Yuffie's chest. We had all had a rough night, but they knew it was best for me and at that time I knew that it was best for me too, but I had given into him again.

Hayner.

He wasn't the best boyfriend, in fact he had been mean to me, made me cry on multiple occasions, hurt me both mentally and physically, and couldn't even pretend to get along with my sister.

But I loved him too much to let him go.

It seemed as simple as that, and I figured that if you love someone enough you look past their mistakes.

"7" Roxas replied knocking me out of my reverie and I ran a hand through my hair. "Okay, I'll be there. I think.."I gulped a little then continued, "I think Hayner is going to come with us." I said softly into the receiver. Roxas sighed on the other line, I could tell he was shaking his head at me but I couldn't bring myself to defend my decision.

Roxas was right, I should just stop talking to him and move on with my life but I couldn't. Just then the line beeped, and I automatically knew who it was.

"Roxas, we can discuss whatever it is you have to say later, Hayner's on the other line." I said excitedly, switching lines before he could say anything. I knew he would be pissed later about me doing that but I couldn't help it, I had been waiting for this phone call for forever. Or at least it felt that way.

_So how did you get here under my skin_

_Swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should've known better_

_Then trying to let you go_

_Cause here we go go go again_

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together_

_You think that by now I'd know_

_Cause here we go go go again_

We talked for awhile and he agreed to come to the movie with me and I was so excited that I ran around the house getting ready, I didn't even ask Namine to come because I knew she'd be as angry as Roxas that I had asked Hayner to come with me. She hated Hayner and thought he was going to break my heart but I always shrugged it off. What's the worse that could happen? I mean, I'd already broken up with him before and just because I wanted to be with him again doesn't mean it would happen.

I wore my favorite jeans and a nice t-shirt, curled my hair, and did my make-up just right. _'Perfect' _I thought as I looked at myself in the mirror but frowned as I took in my reflection. I looked so pale…

I grabbed my purse and my dad drove to Roxas' house and we hung out there for a bit then he took us to see "The Rocker" and when we got there I noticed that I couldn't see Hayner anywhere. I shrugged it off, he'd call me if something happened.

Or at least I hoped he would.

Roxas and I got inside the theater and bought our snacks, but I couldn't stop looking around for him. '_Where is he?' _I thought wearily, and faked a smile for Roxas' walked to our seats and sat down, while I fidgeted through the trailers for new movies and checked my phone every five seconds. "I've got to go to the bathroom." I said softly, getting up with my purse in tow. I just couldn't believe he wasn't gonna call or anything!

I hurried into a stall, sitting down and staring at my phone. Why had I even gotten myself into this again? Why had I even agreed to have him come with me? This always ended in disappointment!

Wasn't that why I had broken up with him in the first place?

I sighed and stood up again. I mean, I couldn't hide out here forever, and surely Roxas was worried. I knew he'd probably figured it out by now and he was more than likely contemplating coming to get me. I had to be reminded that albeit he was gay, it wasn't right for him to come in the girls restroom and he was probably thinking about that right now.

I kicked open the stall door and checked myself out in the mirror. I looked miserable, and extremely disappointed. With a smile painted on my face of course.

I walked out, looking around once more even though I knew it would be in vain, and saw Hayner. He was looking down at his feet and he looked uncomfortable. I hadn't been so happy to see anyone in so long!

I ran and threw my arms around him giving him a big kiss. "Why're you so late?" I asked once I'd regained my earlier irritation. He shrugged and pointed out towards the cars. "My dad." He responded with a huff. I rolled my eyes, his dad was always causing him havoc. He was a drunk and oftentimes he hurt Hayner and I used that excuse most of the time to rid Hayner of any blame. It was stupid, but I thought that his father had to be the reason he acted the way he did sometimes.

_You never know what you want_

_And you never say what you mean _

_But I start to go insane_

_Every time that you look at me_

_You only hear half of what I say_

_And you're always showing up too late_

_And I know that I should say goodbye_

_But it's no use_

_Can't Be With Or Without You(Uh Oh Uh Oh)_

We walked into the movie, and I suddenly realized that I had kissed him. What did that mean? Did that mean we were together again? I turned to him, seeing the smile on his face. Maybe, just maybe this was okay.

Roxas saw us and motioned for us to sit down, but I saw his slight grimace when he saw Hayner with me. Well…he could get over it. I loved him, and this was how it was gonna be.

Throughout the movie, Hayner would turn and give me a big kiss on the lips and I just didn't know what to do. Should I kiss a guy I wasn't even dating? I just shrugged off my concerns and let him kiss me. I didn't know what else to do.

After the movie ended, Roxas started walking away and turned to see if we would follow but I stayed seated. I needed to talk to Hayner alone. "Go on, Roxas. We'll be there in a sec." I said offhandedly, not breaking eye contact with the boy next to me. He raked a hand through his blonde hair, nervously.

When everyone that had watched the movie had gone, I got up to leave since Hayner hadn't said anything yet. As I started walking out, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to his chest. "Kairi.." He started off softly, then met my eyes again. "I know that this isn't how this should've happened and I miss you. Will you… will you go out with me? Again." He added at the end and I felt a wave of happiness wash over me. He wanted me!

"Sure." I said happily and threw my arms around him in a sweet embrace. He kissed me softly, and I wanted to just stay there forever with him in the aura of our love.

But poor Roxas was waiting for us.

"Let's get outta here." I said with a small smile, and he leaned down to kiss me passionately then pulled away. He took my hand and led me out but as soon as we were out I pulled my hand away. What would Roxas say if he knew we were together again?

We walked with Roxas to the little bookstore next to the theater, and while we browsed through all the different books and CD's Roxas kept eyeing each of us. He finally sighed, whipping around and pointed between the two of us, "Are you two together again or what? I saw all that kissing!" He said accusingly, catching my eyes. I blushed and looked away. Hayner didn't say anything, just looked at me.

Great, now both of them were staring at me.

"Ummm…we're…" My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I thanked God for good timing. "Hello?" I said into the receiver. "This is your dad, come on outside it's time to go." He said and I turned to Roxas with a nod in the direction of the door. "We gotta go." I said closing my phone.

Roxas turned and headed for the door, while Hayner pulled me in for a long kiss. "Bye, Kai. I love you." He said with a sweet smile and I felt a rush of peace run through me. Everything was going to be alright.

Once I got in the car, Roxas turned to me with a smile. "Remind him to thank me for getting you guys together." He said and I laughed but gave him a hug. He always knew just what to say.

"Oh, I will. By the way, thanks Roxas." I said and gave him a huge smile.

I knew that now, I was gonna have a great year. School was starting next week, and now I had the boy I loved to start with me. I was a little disappointed that I had quit band now though.

I played clarinet and Hayner played…the flute.

Well, too.

I know it was girly, but whatever floats your boat. I had quit band because I just didn't love it anymore, and the only reason I would've stayed would've been for Hayner but we had broken up then. Now I wished that I had just stuck with it.

_So how did you get here under my skin_

_Swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should've known better_

_Then trying to let you go_

_Cause here we go go go again_

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together_

_You think that by now I'd know_

_Cause here we go go go again_

When I got home, Roxas and I collapsed on my bed. I just felt tired, like I would need rest. But I was too happy to sleep, so Roxas and I stayed up talking for a really long time. We talked about everything and I was just so proud that my best friend could except my love for Hayner.

He rocked.

And not only did we talk, but we ate all our favorite snacks while we did so. Dove chocolate is heaven on the tongue if you're in the right mood. And I was certainly in the right mood.

Once we fell asleep ,I had dreams about Hayner and I's life together. I hadn't been this happy in so long. "_I love you…" _His words kept repeating in my head.

It's always nice to know that you're loved back, and perhaps I had done right in coming back to him.

After a week of peaceful happiness, school started. The first day of high school is always the worse day for a freshman, and I was no exception. I couldn't find Hayner or Roxas anywhere and I had a hard time finding the places I was supposed to go. It was terrible because I had hardly any friends in my classes.

My first period, the only person I knew was Selphie and I was extremely glad to see her since she had been gone all summer and I had only seen her once seen she had come back from her mom's house. She had second period with me too, but it took us a while to figure out that the class we were going to was in a building not far from the actual school.

Third period was the worst, since I was in Spanish 2 and had forgotten all of my Spanish during the summer. By fourth period, I was tired of not knowing anyone but thankfully I saw Wakka and Rikku had a class with me. And Selphie's sister. Fifth period Rikku and I had together, but sixth I was all alone again.

Then I got to seventh. There was only one person I knew relatively well in my class, and that was Sora. He was a great artist and I had been his friend for a few months now, but he had been recently dumped by his girlfriend. I wasn't very good friends with him but I was glad he was there with me. I sat behind him, and sighed without meaning to. I was just bored with school already.

We had a free period where we had to be in the same classroom with people that had a last name similar to ours and I had that with Yuffie and Hayner. I was so glad to see them, even if our teacher seemed really mean.

Eighth period was Geometry, and I automatically knew that class would suck. My older brother had had her and she hated him, so of course she would hate me. Great.

To top it off, I felt kinda sick all day because Namine had been sick all weekend, throwing up and stuff. That just sucked.

_And again and again and again_

_I threw all of your stuff away_

_And then I cleared you out of my head_

_And I tore you out of my heart(Uh Oh Uh Oh)(Uh Oh Uh Oh)_

After school ended, I went to find Hayner and he was hanging out with some of his friends that I had met that morning. My dad called to tell me to come out and I ran to find Hayner.

Where was he?

I finally found him, and thanked God when I did. "I've gotta go love. I just wanted to tell you bye. And…I love you." I said softly, he leaned in to give me a kiss and I hesitated. I had felt bad all day, and I didn't wanna get him sick. "I don't think-" He put his hand up to shush me and I stopped in mid sentence. "I haven't gotten to kiss you in a week. I want to kiss you." He said with a smirk and gave me a nice good-bye kiss.

Well, damn.

I was happy once, I hopped in the car with my dad and all the way home.

Then I threw up.

I guess that's what happens when you have a horrible first day at school, and end it with a delightful kiss.

It was expected though, I knew I was gonna puke. I had felt it coming all day long, and unfortunately I hadn't even made it to the toilet. I threw up in the sink.

It was really disgusting but I thought of it positively.

No school tomorrow. But with that came no Hayner and that wasn't a positive thing, but I'd just have to get over it. I was sick, and I certainly didn't want to go to school even for another delightful kiss from the boy I loved.

The next day, I sat at home and watched anime all day. Somehow that made me feel better, just being able to waste away the day watching someone else's life unfold before my eyes instead of my own.

Hayner didn't call.

And I didn't expect him to.

Was I content with that at all?

No.

Would I complain about it and possibly lose the guy I loved?

No.

Why?

No idea.

_So how did you get here under my skin_

_Swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should have known better_

_Then trying to let you go_

_Cause here we go go go again_

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together_

_You think that by now I'd know_

_Cause here we go go _

That night, I felt like I was going to cry. I wasn't sure why I felt that way but I had a bad feeling about all this.

Namine came into my bedroom to check on me and eventually crawled under the covers next to me. She always did this when she was scared or worried about me, and sometimes she did it to know that her sister was always there for her. And I always was.

I didn't get much sleep and when I rolled over to see light coming in through my window, I wasn't surprised. My dresser blocked my view of the window pretty well, but I could still see that light shining though.

Hopefully it would bring good things with the sunlight, and as I stood up to get dressed for school I realized that no matter what was coming up next for me, no matter how much I cried or prepared for whatever life had to offer, something good would always come out of it.

Just like the sun rising and taking away the darkness.

_Here we go again_

_Here we go again_

_Should've known better_

_T__hen trying to let you go_

_Cause here we go go go again_

_Again and again and again and again_

_Again and again and again and again_


	3. Out of Reach

Disclaimer: Out of Reach by Gabrielle

Kairi P.O.V

_Knew the signs_

_Wasn't right_

_I was stupid for a while_

_S__wept away by you_

_And now I feel like a fool_

_So confused,My heart's bruised_

_Was I ever loved by you?_

I guess I didn't notice it at first. See, everything with Hayner got better and better. He was sweet, opened the doors for me, met me on time, and we spent tons of time together. It just seemed like everything was going great.

Then it happened.

One day, we were at the movies and we were kissing but then he reached down to the top of my pants. I pulled away and pushed his hands away from me, in disgust. "Hayner…" I whined when he put his hands back. I pushed him away again and stood up.

"I'm gonna go get a drink." I said softly and hurried out, and when I got it I walked slowly back. I mean, what was he doing? He knew I didn't like that, and I wasn't a believer in sex before marriage.

As soon as I walked back in, he grabbed me and pushed me against the wall as he connected our lips again. I was so surprised that I forgot how pissed at him I was and just kept kissing him more and more. Then he reached into my pants and grabbed my arm, pushing me back hard against the wall. "H-Hayner.." I whimpered and he shoved his fingers in… I just let him.

I didn't know what else to do and I loved him too much to stop him.

I was so scared to be alone with him after that. He kept hinting he wanted to have sex with me, and I wouldn't hear of it. The days after that were unbearable and when we went to see a movie but missed the beginning I told him we could see another but he just got angry with me.

He grabbed my arm in a terrible way that made me whimper in pain.

I pulled away and almost started crying, why was he doing this to me?

I had a big bruise on my arm for a couple of weeks that I covered with my jacket, and I slowly started sinking into depression while I ignored everything going on around me. I didn't talk much to anyone, even Roxas. I just wanted him and the more I seemed to want him, the more he seemed to not want me.

I was heartbroken but determined.

I switched to French for third period so I could make an attempt to reconnect with my friends again but I just didn't have the will. I felt like he was slipping away and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

One day, Roxas found a nice guy named Cloud that seemed too quiet for him but I didn't really mind. I was just happy that my best friend was happy. They got together and I was looking forward to going to the fair with them. I loved the fair!

It was like reopening the gates of childhood and seeing how much simple pleasures could do you. I asked a few of my friends to go, including my other best friend Pence. He had had a crush on me for forever and I figured I should make it up to him since I had been ignoring him so much lately. I had even forgotten his birthday in the mix of things.

_Out of reach, so far_

_I never had your heart_

_Out of reach,Couldn't see_

_We were never_

_Meant to be_

I asked Hayner to come with us but he had been spending a lot of time with Olette lately, which worried me a bit. He had been in love with her before he and I had gotten together so it didn't rest easy with me knowing he wanted to spend so much time with her.

"He loves her." Roxas told me the night before we went to the fair. I didn't want to believe him but it didn't help things that when we had went to our church's "Outbreak" they had been all over each other and she had admitted that she liked him again.

What did that mean?

I finally decided that perhaps Roxas had made a valid point and gave Hayner a call. He answered on the second ring, but I didn't know how to start.

"Hello?"

"Hey Hayner…"

"Kairi! Hey, you should've been there, the band went to the fair today! It was pretty fun. What's up?"

He sounded so happy, so like himself that I wasn't even sure if I wanted to say anything but I gathered up my courage and the words came spilling out.

"Hayner…Olette…she.."

"Likes me again? I know, she's been making it pretty obvious."

He made it sound so nonchalant, that my worries started fading a bit.

"Well…I was wondering what does that mean…."

Suddenly Roxas' brothers came jumping over the fence and I started screaming and the signal faded. Damn.

Roxas came running out to see what was wrong then we both busted out laughing, including his brothers. " I can't believe you guys! Ya'll scared me to death!" I said with another laugh.

Roxas pulled me inside again, continually questioning me about Hayner but there really wasn't much to tell other then that he didn't seem to care. The thought made me smile.

Perhaps everything would work out.

The next day, we all met up at the fair and I looked around eagerly for Hayner.

Would he come?

I looked down as my phone started vibrating in my pocket, and I stared at the number. It was Hayner. I flipped open my phone and blew some of my fiery hair out of my face. Pence was staring at me while Roxas and Cloud were laughing and pointing around at the different things they wanted to go on.

"Hello?" I questioned hesitantly, hoping for the best.

"Kairi? Hey this is Hayner, I can't come. I'm hanging out with Olette and Pete. I know that it would be awkward with Olette there and well, Pete hates you so…" I felt my heart hitch.

Why did he care how Olette felt?

Just then Demyx came trotting up with a huge smile. "Kairi!" He exclaimed, throwing his arms around me and twirling me around in a happy spin.

Demyx was my personal stalker.

Somehow, he always seemed to know where I was even after he moved away.

I closed the phone without saying goodbye, hopefully he'd get the pissed off message.

We walked around the fair, and I suddenly realized how lonely it could be without the person you love especially when two guys that like you are drooling all over themselves at your feet. It's just annoying and I was a one man kinda girl.

I just didn't care.

But I did, not about Demyx…no, I cared for Pence. He'd been my best friend for forever and I just loved him to death. But it was more than that because I'd been crushing on him too, even if it was hard to admit to myself.

Once Cloud left, Roxas, Pence, and I sat down on the curb outside the fence to wait for my mom to come pick us up. While we sat there Roxas and I started singing "My World" by SR-71 and for some reason Pence just didn't want us to. I was confused but I didn't push it, I had already hurt him enough anyway.

_Catch myself_

_From despair_

_I could drown_

_If I stay here_

_Keeping busy everyday_

_I know I will be OK_

When my mom came to get us, we dropped Roxas off at home and went to get ice cream. I sat in the car to wait for her when Hayner called. He seemed upset so I decided to talk to him about how him ditching me made me feel.

Once I'd explained how he made me feel I decided to open the topic of conversation that had been haunting my heart.

"Hayner…"

"Yeah, Kai?"

"Olette…do you love her still?"

It was bold but I couldn't skirt around this one. I had to ask him straight out, or I'd never know and I couldn't live not knowing how he truly felt.

He paused for a second then his next words came out, carefully, "Kairi, I love you. But I loved her first and I do still love her. It's so hard to choose between the two of you and now that she returns my feelings..well…why can't you guys just share me?"

I felt my anger boil up and tears started streaming down my face.

"Share you? What the hell?? I'm not gonna share the boy I love. You have to choose Hayner, I know it's hard but you have to."

I was so frustrated that I just wanted to punch something. How could this have happened? I thought we were happy!

"Well…I can't." His response just broke me in half and I choked back a sob.

How could **I **have **let** this happen?

My dad walked in and gave me the signal to get off the phone, but I didn't want to. I wanted to cry and punch a wall and keep Hayner to myself.

'_Why…?' _I thought sadly.

"I've got to go. I love you." I said sadly to Hayner. He didn't say anything just hung up and I sat there staring at the phone.

What had I done wrong?

Where had I messed up?

Was I just…not good enough?

_But I was_

_So confused,My heart's bruised_

_Was I ever loved by you?_

I laid in bed and cried for hours that night, unable to do much else. I had no idea what to do, my heart was torn between breaking up with him again or fighting for what was mine. I finally decided that I would fight for him.

He was mine, and I wasn't gonna let her take him from me.

It was the weekend so I had plenty of time to plan what I was going to do, and when Monday morning came…it all flew out the window.

He was there, talking to her where we always sat together and I felt tears gather in my eyes. Why couldn't I just hate him?!

It would've been so much easier than this pain I was feeling.

I felt the tears falling down from my eyes and suddenly Rikku was next to me asking what was wrong but I only shook my head. How could I explain this to anyone?

I just wanted to fall and not get up again.

I started running and ran straight into Hayner's chest, he was surprised but I was only embarrassed. He was the last person on the planet I wanted to have see me crying. He wrapped his arms around me and I just started sobbing into his chest.

Why couldn't he just love me?

That night I wrote a note to him, at the end I told him he had to choose. I couldn't stand this anymore I just wanted to know that he was mine and mine alone.

I poured my heart and soul into that note, I was crying so much while I wrote it. I hadn't even gone a night without crying in so long…what was it like to be happy? Truly happy?

I didn't even know.

I gave him the note the next day, but he wouldn't even answer me. "I can't choose." He told me softly, and I had to beg the tears not to fall. I handed him a little rock with the word "Love" written on it. "This is for you." I told him quietly and turned to walk away but he grabbed me by my hand and whipped me around. "What for?" He asked me with a weird look on his face. "I told myself a couple of years ago that I'd give it to a guy I truly loved, and that person is you. Just be careful because that's my heart you're holding." I told him with a small, sad smile.

I went home and cried myself to sleep.

When I got to school, I finally saw it. We weren't even a couple, we walked next to each other but he wouldn't even hold my hand. We didn't seem like "Hayner and Kairi" we seemed like "Those unhappy people" and I finally couldn't stand it.

As soon as I got home I called him. "Hayner, I don't think I can do this anymore. I mean we don't even act like a couple anymore."

I said, sighing when I realized that I had gotten the words out.

"You're right. Let's just be…friends." He said and I nodded at the phone.

I could do that.

After we talked for a bit, Roxas and I headed shopping for a bit with my parents. I wasn't even sad. I was actually surprised that I wasn't crying but I guess I had cried myself out.

_Out of reach, so far_

_I never had your heart_

_Out of reach,Couldn't see_

_We were never_

_Meant to be_

At school the next day, I was sad but it wasn't too bad.

I could deal with it.

I talked to Selphie about it and she didn't seem too surprised although she was disappointed in Olette but I didn't care. I was angry that Olette could so easily take away the boy I loved without even trying.

Was it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Second period was Health and that class gave me too much time to think so I just tried to focus on studying for French. But every time I started studying I would see Olette's face…she'd be there in French with us.

I had trouble thinking about what she would even say. Would she admit her guilt or sit there smug in her triumphant?

I stabbed my leg with my pencil, every single time I thought about Olette or Hayner. My leg started hurting like hell after awhile but I somehow couldn't bring myself to care. I kinda liked the pain, it took my focus off of everything.

When we got to French, I started stabbing my pencil into my leg so hard that I knew it was bleeding. But I still kept stabbing. My jeans would soak up the blood and maybe my hair could hide the pain in my eyes.

When a paper fell onto my desk, I didn't know what to do. What was it? I opened it up and automatically recognized Olette's handwriting."Do you hate me?"That seemed like a complex question but I knew the answer.

"No, I actually hate myself. I let him do this to me."

I wrote back quickly, and handed it back to her.

"But you're so great, he's missing out."

'_Well, Olette, if I'm so great why does he want you?' _I thought back in frustration. Just then the lunch bell rang and everyone hurried out but I just trudged behind everyone.

'_Why…' _I thought in sadness.

I got in line, but I felt dead. I grabbed a milk but didn't even bother to buy food. I didn't think I could eat for awhile and I honestly didn't even want to.

I went and sat at our little table, right next to Olette who couldn't stop staring at me. Why the hell did she keep staring at me?I looked over at Sora and saw all the boys kinda chattering and I felt tears prick to my eyes. I had felt bad for him, I had wanted to help him when his girlfriend had hurt him but now I knew how he felt and I just didn't want anyone to help me.

I just wanted to die here in this hole I had dug up for myself.

_So much hurt,So much pain_

_Takes a while_

_To regain_

_What is lost inside_

_And I hope that in time,You'll be out of my mind_

_And I'll be over you_

I turned my eyes back to my milk carton and felt suddenly like punching stupid Olette in the face. Why had she fucking done this? We were happy! Everything was gonna be okay!

Then the stupid tears started falling but I smiled.

I had always painted a smile on my face, all this time and now it just came to my lips. I stood up quickly and ran to the bathroom, sobs wracking my body. When I got in there, Selphie and Yuffie followed me and tried to comfort me but I just started crying harder. Yuffie sighed, "He told me you guys broke up yesterday but…"

But he didn't care.

And so I cried even harder but I tried to pull myself together when we headed back to French, I even hugged Olette to try and get over my anger. But as soon as I sat down again the tears kept falling, and I just couldn't stop them. A majority of the class was staring at me and I flinched away from their roaming eyes.

Why did people always stare at people that cried?

Damnit, stop staring and make the pain go away!

My French teacher was the only nice person he excused me to go to the bathroom and get freshened up but I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror.

Hayner had made me feel like I wasn't even worth looking at, even to myself.

I had failed.

I couldn't even keep the boy I loved.

I got back to the classroom, avoiding everyone's searching eyes and sat down in silence for the rest of the period.

I thought maybe my tears had stopped, and when I saw Hayner during free period, I didn't even look at him. I couldn't bare to look at what I had wasted my heart on.

He looked over at me a lot though, and once class was over I thought he'd come talk to me but instead he ran after Olette and watching him chase after her was like taking a knife out and stabbing me repeatedly with it.

I felt the tears cascading down my face, Pence caught me and I pulled away_. 'No…' _I thought then broke down sobbing and sobbed even harder as I sat down at my desk.

I didn't stop crying for the rest of the day.

_But now I'm_

_So confused,My heart's bruised_

_Was I ever loved by you?_

_Out of reach,So far_

_I never had your heart_

_Out of reach,Couldn't see_

_We were never_

_Meant to be_


	4. My Skin

Disclaimer: My Skin by Natalie Merchant

Kairi P.O.V.

_Take a look at my body_

_Look at my hands_

_T__here's so much here_

_T__hat I don't understand _

Tears.

They aren't the greatest form of release God ever invented, somehow when you know they're coming you find it some much harder to stop them then preventing them to begin with.

How could I have been so stupid?

I knew it was going to happen, and so many times people had warned me that one day I would get my heart broken I just never wanted to believe them. I never wanted to think, "Hey this could happen to me, perhaps I should be more careful." Never once did I even care to stop myself.

Have you ever seen something falling and you try so hard to catch it because, as time slows and your hand reaches to grab it, you realize that you aren't going to make it?

That's how I felt.

I felt like I had been falling and everyone else had seen it, but no matter who tried to reach to catch me I fell straight on my back but the only thing that had been broken was my heart…

I was laying on my bed listening to the little sniffles, the choked breaths, and sound of a cracking heart from myself. The darkness of my room threatened swallow me whole and somehow I couldn't bring myself to care.

I was all alone.

There was no one to cry on, no one to scream and yell at for letting me hurt myself, no one…except me.

I sighed and sat up, swiping a hand across both of my cheeks in a vain attempt to catch the cascading tears that covered them. I frowned as I listened to absolute silence of my room, and when I opened my bedroom door I realized it was the absence of everyone.

Great, I was depressed and lonely in a big house by myself.

I finally decided that I was sick of crying and went to my parents bedroom, turning on the computer and getting on my favorite website: gaia.

I always had fun dressing up my avatar and talking to people that might make me feel better so I decided it would be a good idea to get on.

Unfortunately, no one was on.

Well…except Sora. But he and I weren't really good friends, we hardly knew each other. But I was sad and I just needed someone, anyone to reach out to.

And for some unexplainable reason, I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted him to be my outside source, my steady rock as I fell down the hole.

"Hey are you on this err....fine....day? ^^ " I typed to him, hoping against all hope that he would respond.

"hello i'm good how about you? oh and if you want to reply send a friend request to my other account cause i'm making an awesome girl " He responded and I was a bit confused. Girl? I swear I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

I sent him the friend request and waited, then typed a response on his other account.

Lovinglyhated324: "Cool....I'm doing...well. Did you see my breakdown yesterday? Yikes. I'm good today. Why 'd you make a womanly account? "

Angel Rein: "just because i don't know really i just always make a guy and girl when i do anything so i decided "why should this be any different?" o and right now she just has a bunch of random junk on so laugh if you want its not any where close to what she'll look like when I'm done and no i didn't see your break down yesterday. are you ok? do i need to get some of my friends from the mexican mafia you know because i have some connections from when i was gangsta in 6th grade lol"

When I read his response I immediately laughed at the image of Sora as a "gangsta" just because I knew how sweet he truly was.

Lovinglyhated324: "Lol. Nah, Hayner just broke my heart in a billion pieces. I'll live though. ^^It's cool that you make a boy and girl for everything.I made a boy account too...one that you're friends with but I'll never reveal who it is. *pretends to zip up lips*Thanks for being concerned for me." 

I wanted to say so much more in my response but I held back. I felt like I was already on edge waiting for his reply, somehow I felt a connection with this boy. This boy I barely knew but felt compelled to know everything about.

Angel Rein: "you know not to be nosey, because i'm sure you get enough of that (not pointing any fingers) but i mean i personally have nothing against Hayner, but why do you let him get under you skin if all he's guna do is break you time and time again? i mean i can understand love but... well ya me personally i don't know if i have enough to give anyone because i've been destroyed only reason i don't sit and a corner and just don't care is because of all you guys"

I sat there for a minute thinking about what he had said. I knew he was right, of course, but I never should've let him break me time and time again. It wasn't fair to me but I let him do it anyway. Why? Was it truly for love or was I just so addicted to him I couldn't let go? But looking at what Sora had said, I knew he got it. He understood what I was feeling and somehow that made me even more eager to talk to him.

Lovinglyhated324: "I know. I love him so much that everytime he'd break me I'd come back again holding forgiveness in my outstretched heart.I know you've been hurt....I know how you feel. He's totally destroyed my heart and all he cares about is...someone else.I can't....deal with him anymore. It hurts too much. Everyone's watched him break me time and time again, I know you guys are the only reason I'm able to face everything."

_Your face saving promises_

_Whispered like prayers_

_I don't need them_

_I don't need them _

Angel Rein: "ya i see i went back to someone like that too but i ended up getting hurt again so as far as i can see if i just protect them as much as they will let me I will because even though they've destroyed me no matter what i'll always love them and if they ever need help i would protect them with my life but if they wanted me back i'd have to say in a polite way no, that's all i can do"

I stared at his response as tears welled up in my eyes. He was so much stronger than me…he could lo justve them from afar but I was too weak to hold back from what my heart desired.

Lovinglyhated324: "Yeah....it's just so hard to let go, you know what I mean? Now that I think about it....I never meant anything to him. I would die for him but he wouldn't do the same for me. I love him so much it hurt, but he never felt that way for me. I was just someone there to ease his pain....But I think it's great that you still think of her that way. You really loved her. Love stinks."

It was the only thing I knew what to say, and as I wrote it, I knew exactly how true it was. I was only a replacement for Olette, I was nothing to him.

Angel Rein: "ok well here's something i wrote after the whole ordeal 1 sec"

I sat there waiting, I knew he liked to write things just like me. I just wanted to know what was going through his head, what exactly was he thinking?

Lovinglyhated324: "Okay. ^^ "

Angel Rein: "In this life am I meant to only have a love for my self when this love only goes out and never is given back(and this one is my only hope for one day that i could maybe live utterly and completely happy)Some one give me a heart mine was ripped out, and maybe… if I'm lucky… you'd like to share your heart with me."

I stared at it for a second and almost felt like he was speaking to me, and for a split second I wished that he was. But then it was gone. What was with me? Why did I feel so connected to this guy?

Lovinglyhated324: "That was very sweet. I really wish we hadn't been so broken....I know one day I'll be able to look at him and smile as I remember the good times, but right now I can only wrench back tears and fight for the right to my heart that will forever belong to him.... "

Angel Rein: "yes i hope that one day i could do the same i can look and say hi to my first but when i do, i know i don't really seem like one to, but all i wanna do is cry and then if i were to say hi to... her... i'd just get an annoyed glance and then back to the imagination that i never existed i have to wonder i mean i was saving my first kiss for someone i thought mattered in my life most but as soon as she had it she was over with me"

I glared at the response and suddenly felt angry with the stupid girl that had broken his heart. He'd committed what crime? Being too damn sweet?! He gave her his first kiss! I felt like socking her in the face, and smiled at the thought.

_I've been treated so wrong_

_I've been treated so long_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable _

Lovinglyhated324: "I'm sorry. Stolen your love and your lips....I know how that feels. He wasn't my first kiss, but I'll always think of him as my first love. I loved him with all my heart but whenever I try to talk to him he can't even meet my eyes and walks away from me to join....her...I'm so sorry about what happened to you. That isn't fair.... "

I cringed as I typed the words and wondered what he was feeling as he read my responses to everything he said. What did he feel when he typed back to me? All these questions were bouncing around in my head but I had to focus. I wanted to know so much more, it was completely unsatisfying to be talking to him over messages. I wanted to see the emotions coursing through those soft eyes…

Then everyone was back.

I walked away from the computer, feeling better than before but a lot more unsatisfied and a longing that welled into my heart.

'_Sora…'_

I shook it off, I couldn't possibly like someone so soon after such a brutal blow to my heart. Besides, my heart was trying to use someone to heal itself and I wouldn't allow it to do that to Sora.

He was far too good for that.

I got ready for bed, and as I closed my eyes my thoughts turned back to him…Sora…

I awoke the next morning with tears running down my cheeks. "Good morning, Kairi." I mumbled sarcastically swatting away the stupid outlets of pain.

Today was going to be just dandy. Homecoming.

I hopped out of bed, ran around the house getting ready in a silly attempt to actually look presentable, and even straightened my hair. I was gonna look good today, at least I could make Hayner believe that I was perfectly fine even if I was dying on the inside.

My mom took pictures of me with my huge mum that my aunt had made for me. My aunt was a florist and she had been excited to make her little niece her first mum. Whoo…

When I looked at the photos, I made a face. I just looked annoyed and not pretty at all but at least I'd made an attempt.

I was wearing a black wide-neck sweater that ended at my elbows and had satin trimming at the top and my favorite pair of blue jeans. I wore my glasses today, yes I had glasses although they didn't have any rims so you could hardly tell anyway.

I got to school and handed my mom my mum, and laughed as I did so. "Here's my mum, mum." I teased with a British accent. I didn't feel like wearing the huge thing to school all day, and I could wear it later at the game.

I spent all day avoiding any possible eye contact with Hayner, but bumped into Pence on my way to my free period. "Hey Kairi, you going to the Homecoming Dance tomorrow?" He asked and I just sighed.

I'd picked out my dress a week before, a beautiful white dress with a satin bow that tied around back. It actually looked pretty on me, but even looking pretty didn't make me feel pretty at all. In fact, I felt pretty ugly most of the time now. Disgusted with myself too.

_Contempt loves the silence_

_It thrives in the dark_

_With fine winding tendrils_

_That strangle the heart _

Besides the dress, I had been obligated to go because Roxas had told me to go. Enough said. "Yes, I'm going." Then I got an idea. "Hey, Pence you should come too! We'll make into a big friend thing so no one gets lonely." I said happy with my logic. I didn't want to go by myself, and I knew Pence would come if I asked him to go.

'_Sora…'_

I beat that thought of my head. It wasn't like he would ask me from one silly conversation, besides I'm sure he could see how broken and unworthy I was.

Pence nodded his head eagerly and headed off into the direction of his free period and so did I, just more sullenly. I honestly didn't want to go but I'd made the obligation of going with Roxas before this whole thing with Hayner, and so I would go.

I walked in my class and sat down at my desk, pulling out a copy of "Eragon" that I would've read only I couldn't seem to concentrate on the words. They just floated around before my eyes, but I kept my eyes glued to the page. I couldn't look at him.

I knew he didn't look at me anymore, and I felt that I had to do the same even if it hurt. How could I not look at him and long for what once was? But I managed to keep my gaze steadily away, until the bell rang.

I looked up and caught his eye just as he came up behind Olette and gave her a little hug from behind. Man, they made me sick.

I gathered up my things and headed to my next class. This was turning out to be a long day. The only good thing came after school when I met up with Roxas and we got to go to my house to chill for a little while.

I contemplated not going to the Homecoming game but I decided that it wouldn't be too bad. After all, it wouldn't be too hard to avoid Hayner since he had to go out there and march. Besides, Roxas wanted to go even though he hated football games so I figured we should go. Also there was the fact that my parents would eat me alive if I didn't wear their stupid mum.

Well, this sucked.

So I changed into a bright "Go Team!" T-shirt, stuck my mum on and pulled back my hair. It was getting pretty long, reaching right above my breasts. A few stray hairs fell down to frame my face and I left them there, sweeping my bangs off to the side.

I looked okay, but the main thing was Roxas. I helped him with his hair, because he insisted on washing it. I was just happy Cloud didn't call while his head was under the faucet like last time. After he finished his hair, I helped him with a little "guy-liner" and gave him a few bracelets of mine to wear. He looked pretty gay, but very cute.

We hung around my house for awhile, then my dad dropped us off at the game and I silently prayed that I'd see Sora but no such luck. He wasn't there, so I settled on hanging out with Wakka while Roxas hung out with our other friends by the band. Where Hayner was.

Wakka had just broken up with his long-term girlfriend and he was still pretty upset about it, but it made it easier to talk to him since I knew I wouldn't be bringing him down by talking about my problems. He talked to me all about Rikku, who he'd consequently been with for quite a few months and they had broken up for the second time a couple of days ago because Rikku couldn't be faithful enough to Wakka which was understandable since I'd had the same problem.

We walked over by the concession stand, talked for awhile, then Hayner's best friends walked by. "I'm sorry about all that, uh, happened between you guys." The tall one said but I just shook my head and blinked away the freaking tears that threatened to fall again. I couldn't stand being by them for a minute longer, so I grabbed Wakka's hand and pulled him over by the fence.

"Let's just…stay over here." I said quietly and he just silently nodded his head. He understood.

_They say that promises_

_Sweeten the blow_

_But I don't need them_

_No, I don't need them _

My phone started vibrating and I opened the phone, taking in the sound of Pence's voice. "Kairi, I'm up in the stands! Get Roxas and you guys can come sit with me!" He said and I flipped my phone shut. "Come on, Wakka. Let's go find Roxas."

We finally found him with his former best friend, I hid my grimace. I wasn't a big fan of his former bestie but then again she wasn't a big fan of mine either. "Hey, Roxy come with us. Pence wanted us to come sit with him." See, Pence was in our schools ROTC so he didn't have much company up there by himself.

Roxas came with us, but as we started going up the stand filled with people I felt it. Claustrophobia set in, I started breathing really hard, and I was looking through heavy lidded eyes. I had to get out of there.

I turned and ran away from them.I had to breathe, and I felt my skin turn cold. I just…had to sit down.

I sat against the fence, eventually Wakka and Roxas would come and find me. And they did. Once they had reached me, they shared looks of concern and sat next to me. "I'm alright." I mumbled before they could even ask. We sat there for a while before Roxas' phone began to ring and he talked to someone on the other line while Wakka and I sat around talking about nothing in particular. Roxas got off the phone and told us that one of our friends was looking for him so he was gonna leave us for a little while. We didn't really mind since we didn't feel up to much anyway.

Then Pence found us, yelled at me for leaving him but in the nice scolding way, and then recruited us to go to the ROTC building with him. I don't like wandering out into the dark, especially at the hour it was but Pence wouldn't hear of it. He picked me up and threw me over his back, letting me down once I promised I would go with them. But I was still uneasy.

They raced each other to the building and I ran behind them, I wasn't in a running mood. I was in a "I don't want to be here" kind of mood. Those are never fun.

We messed around over there for a while, then headed back to meet up with Roxas and Pence gave me a piggy-back ride back. I was just glad they weren't gonna leave me behind while they ran again.

Roxas was pretty pissed when we got back to him because he thought we had just left him. Once Pence explained everything to him, we all sat down to chill out. Wakka left us after a while and so did everyone else. We were there for a long time before we decided to go and wait in the front of the school for my parents to come get us.

It was a long wait. Especially since I don't like the dark, it always feels like it's creeping up on you. Like every creature of the night was waiting in the shadows with outstretched claws.

I cringed closer to my friends.

_I've been treated so wrong_

_I've been treated so long_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable _

The next day, was Namine's birthday party. I wasn't in a party mood, but I slipped on my pirate costume over my blue leggings because my mom would've murdered me if I hadn't. The good thing about it was the salad. My mom said that if we participated and got everything ready for my sister's birthday, she would give Roxas and I their yummy Olive Garden salads with the special dressing. It was delicious.

The party wasn't amazing but I managed to keep my hopes up by trying to think of good things that would happen tonight at the dance. But that was hard, and I was lonely.

I helped Roxas get ready once everyone had left, and even curled my hair. I had to admit I looked okay in my dress, make-up, and my hair was curled just right. But I couldn't have fun.

'_Would Sora be there?'_

I squashed the thought before it could progress. I was hoping against all hope he would be, but I was trying really hard not to hope at all. I hated getting let down.

Doesn't every girl?

I knew that this wouldn't be much a great Homecoming Dance anyway, because Selphie wouldn't be there. She was grounded and not having one of my best friends there was automatically going to make it suck.

Roxas looked very nice in his tux, and his hair had the perfect amount of "spikeness" to it. I, on the other hand felt terrible. I couldn't escape my mom's stupid camera and I knew I didn't look amazing but I attempted a smile for my mom's sake.

I played with Pence's dog-tag that lay around my neck, the one he'd given me the night before. He told me I could keep it for awhile as a reminder that he was always there for me, the thought made me smile. Someone actually cared.

The dance was just as fun as I thought it would be, a friendly slap in the face reminder of how lonely I was. I sat down next to Wakka, who insisted on sulking the whole time, and I sulked a bit myself. I knew this would suck, but I had come anyway.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

_I'm a slow dying flower_

_Frost killing hour_

_The sweet turning sour_

_And untouchable _

Just then a slow song came on, "I knew I loved you" by Savage Garden. Pence came up to me, sticking out his hand for me to take. "Dance with me, Kairi." He said softly, and I wrapped my fingers around his outstretched ones while I looked up into his telling eyes. He was just as easy to read as every other person I'd ever met.

I was very good at reading people, and the moment our bodies were close and we were dancing to the slow love song, I knew he wanted to kiss me.

It wasn't hard to see, but he wouldn't do it.

No, Pence wasn't the type to take advantage of a girl like me.

I don't know what I want, I never have.

But at that moment, I needed someone.

I looked up at Yuffie, she was making kissy faces at me and pointing at Pence. I shook my head, I couldn't do it. Not to Pence.

I mean, yes I had liked him for a long time and he would be good for me but it just didn't feel right. He was talking to me but my mind was everywhere else, my lips opened to respond to him but nothing came out.

It wasn't right to ignore him, but I had suddenly no idea what to do.

I wanted to pull away, all the sudden.

I wanted to run up to Hayner and sock him in the face.

This is what he'd done to me?

I closed my eyes and willed myself to stop thinking about him but it was hard.

I was stuck on a precipice of hope and giving up. Each side tugged on my weakening resolve, I didn't know what to do.

So I did the one thing that everyone else wanted to do.

_O, I need_

_The darkness_

_The sweetness_

_T__he sadness_

_The weakness_

_I need this _

I kissed him.

He pulled me close and the table full of our friends cheered. I wasn't sure whether I was happy, or if the smile was just a reflex but the emotion was clear in my face if not my eyes. The damned things betrayed me, especially when I went to the restroom and stared at myself.

Why was I doing this?

I closed them tight, and wished away everything.

I pulled the smile up again, because no matter what I wanted this was what I needed.

I walked out, and Pence took my hand in his as our eyes met. I saw how truly happy he was and felt guilty for not feeling the same way. If everyone else was so happy, why wasn't I? It didn't seem fair to be this way but I couldn't shake it.

I was too far.

I was just hidden inside myself, no one there to coax me out and no one cared. Not one person, but I couldn't even find the strength to blame them.

It was my fault for putting myself away, my fault for pretending, my fault for kissing him, and my fault for flirting with him like I was now.

"Pence, you're blushing." I commented, looking down at our intertwined hands, then back up at his pink face.

"Am not…I'm…" He searched for the right words but I filled them in for him.

"Casually reddening?" I suggested with a smirk.

"Yes, I'm casually reddening. Men don't blush." He said defiantly, and I faked a laugh.

Good 'ol Pence knew just what to say to make me feel even a tiny bit better for my careless actions.

After a while of dancing, flirting, and catching Pence whispering proudly to our friends about how lucky he was, the dance was over. And I was extremely relieved.

"Wow, my two best friend are dating now that's so weird." Roxas said with a silly grin on his face. I stared down at the glowstick that Demyx, you know, the stalker guy, had given me.

"Yeah, weird." I mumbled.

I waited around outside with Pence, Demyx, Roxas, Wakka, and Yuffie.

Everyone was chatting amongst themselves but I just stood there clutching Pence's hand in mine. I didn't feel comfortable and I just wanted to go home.

One by one, everyone began to leave and the last people to go was Roxas, Pence and I.

Of course.

_I need_

_A lullaby_

_A kiss goodnight_

_Angel sweet_

_Love of my life_

_O, I need this _

Finally, Pence's mom came to pick him up. He took me to the car to meet her, and I shook her hand shyly. I was terrified of making a bad first impression, but she seemed nice enough.

Pence gave me a kiss good night and I went to sit with Roxas while they pulled away.

I have to admit, it made me feel a little better once he was gone but I hated thinking that. I loved Pence but there was something missing in that kiss.

What was it?

I shrugged it off, and talked to Roxas for awhile until my dad finally came to get us.

Then he got us dinner, McDonald's cause he didn't feel like making anything, then we went home ate and went to bed. I just felt really tired.

My bed was too little to sleep with Roxas in it too, so we went to my brother's bed since he had moved out a while ago.

I fell asleep with a storm that had been raging for quite a while, but at least I got some sleep.

_Do you remember the way_

_That you touched me before_

_All the trembling sweetness_

_I loved and adored? _

I dreamed about Hayner that night. I could feel his lips against mine but something was missing. What was it again? Then he turned into Pence. I shied away from both of them and ran into the darkness, but I couldn't escape my hell.

The only thing that protected me from the things in the dark was the moon shining above me, casting its light over everything.

I woke up with a thankful smile on my face, at least I had one thing on my side. That day was mostly spent singing with Roxas while he played his guitar, and watching movies. A nice lazy day. My favorite part was watching the scary movies because they were so silly we couldn't stop laughing at them.

It was really fun.

The most fun I had in quite a while.

When school rolled around again, Pence was pretty much as happy as I'd last seen him but I wasn't. I didn't really feel like talking to him, but somehow I was comfortable. Maybe that's all I needed was to be comfortable with someone.

I know that that was horrible logic, but I couldn't help but feel that way.

I didn't feel like trying, I just wanted to be comfortable with someone. That weeek was a little easier because I got to tell Hayner that I was with someone else, even before he was with Olette. That felt nice, because I needed to move on.

The hardest part was Sora.

I still felt this connection with him, but I didn't want it. I didn't want to feel connected to him, I wanted to shake him off my mind but it was hard.

Especially with him constantly talking to him, and the more I talked to him the more I wanted to. And he was so…different. It was hard to read him, like his eyes were expressing something completely different from what he was feeling.

Not only that, but he was so easy to talk to. He was goofy and sweet, the perfect combination.

But a terrible one for me, I couldn't want him.

I just couldn't.

_Your face saving promises_

_Whispered like prayers_

_I don't need them_

_No, I don't need them _

He was so nice to me, like I deserved his kindness. I wanted to push him away, I wanted to get him out of my head, but I was too intrigued by him. He was so bright, so wonderful, it was hard not to want him.

But I had Pence.

I was okay with that, and Sora was too. We were just friends, and he was slowly becoming one of my best friends.

In Biology, he was my partner along with our other friend "The Flash." It was nice to have him there, especially since he was always so nice to me.

It felt like things were finally looking up, and I couldn't help but be a bit happier and looking forward to the change. I needed this, I needed the happiness that I'd been craving.

Halloween was coming up soon, and I caught the excitement. Especially since Roxas was just about breathing Halloween awesomeness. He loved this time of year, and I did too so of course it made things a bit better.

Sora liked Halloween too, so we talked about our upcoming Halloween plans eagerly. I wanted us to get together and do something with Roxas and Pence because I thought it would be fun.

A couple of weeks in October, I began to feel different.

Every touch, every word that came from Sora's mouth was vitally important and I couldn't get rid of that.

Not only that, but he seemed so into me like everything was exactly what he wanted from me. How could he want me?

I wasn't worth it, for sure.

Could he not see how poisonous I was?

I wasn't right for anyone, not for Sora especially. He was just too wonderful.

"Kairi, telephone."

"Hey Sora." I said into the reciever with a smile.

Sometimes, it's hard to stop yourself when you're falling. But eventually someone will come along to catch you.

"Hey, Kairi." His voice came back to me and I smiled.

He was my saving grace.

Sora…

_Is it dark enough? _

_Can you see me? _

_Do you want me? _

_Can you reach me? _

_Or I'm leaving _

_You better shut your mouth_

_Hold your breath_

_Kiss me now you'll catch my death_

_O, I mean it_


End file.
